Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
