Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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