she woke up with a sticky ear
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
