I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
