Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
