I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
