Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
