I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
