So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
