Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
