I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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