I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
