The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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