she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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