I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
