Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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