You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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