when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
