I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
