she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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