nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
