You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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