i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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