so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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