You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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