Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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