Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
