Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
