ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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