Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
