Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
