I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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