Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
