mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
