If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
