I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Holy shit dude........stairs
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