Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
