Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
