I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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