she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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