I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
