if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize