Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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