i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
