Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
