just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
