why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's never too late to be topless.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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