Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
