I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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