i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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