He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
