i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
