He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
ttyl tear gas
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
