Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
