the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
