Apparently you make a good broom.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
