Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
