youre lurking in front of me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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