fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
