how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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