Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
