saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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