you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
