I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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