dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
