Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
love makes seman taste better
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
