we're blogging at a bar
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
