There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
