shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
