Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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