I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
