I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
