We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
as a side note pls kill me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
