a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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