Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
