Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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