how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
